A guy, visibly anxious, nervous, and a little sweaty, once remarked to his friend, "Man, this is terrible. I don't know if I should even do this."
"What do you mean?" his friend asked nonchalantly.
"I mean," he stammered, "What if I've read all the signals wrong? What if she's just playing me for a fool? What if she's just being nice? What if she just wants to be friends?"
"So?" The friend answered impatiently.
"Are you even listening!?! What if I'm wrong? What if she doesn't really like me? Jesus, maybe I should stop all of this nonsense."
His friend laughed loudly and shamelessly. "Are you freakin' crazy? So what if you're wrong!?!"
The guy was in mild shock. There was a look of defeat on his face. He felt betrayed.
"You don't understand," the friend explained, calming down a little, "Who cares if you're wrong? What if you're right?
Question: What do guys go for? A pretty face, a fit body, flirtatious behavior, or "inner beauty?"
Since time immemorial, girls have been criticizing us guys for being "shallow." They say we focus too much on the "superficial stuff" and the "things that won't last." They want us to look deeper, way down to the core of her being, to the things that matter the most.
Now what girls can't seem to understand is we're doing exactly that. We want to go deeper, into the core of your being, to the things that matter most. In fact, let me tell you what, nothing would make us happier. Nothing. So what are we waiting for, honey?
And then she rolls her eyes, folds her arms, and just glares at you disgustedly. Like you did something wrong. Sheesh. What the hell did we do now!?!
But I ask you people, do we really have to add to all the negativity in the world? For the sake of everybody getting along--or at least trying to--let me attempt to set things a-right.
What Guys Go For #1: Gorgeous Looks
What All The Fuss Is About: Frankly speaking, I've had two or three experiences when I'd lost at least partial control of myself in the face of well, a beautiful face. This is because, if you haven't experienced it yourself, stunning beauty is exactly that--stunning. It's not a metaphor. So I don't know why girls are complaining about guys ogling girls when they're the ones that go through hours--hours!--of preparation with the obvious desire to catch our attention. And when it doesn't come, they get depressed...or hostile. Go figure.
What All The Fuss Is Really About: Beauty has long been considered a primary female attribute. Throughout the course of human history, perhaps not one trait in a female is instantly more desirable than said apparent facial beauty. Helen of Troy exemplified the zenith of this potent capacity to turn the male world furiously over its head with her title as "the face that launched a thousand ships." So it is acknowledged, in myth and in truth, that a woman with exceedingly captivating looks can and does hold sway over the supposed stronger sex.
Still, the question "Why?" lingers. Why are we--guys--attracted to "beautiful faces?" The answer is that beautiful faces are indicators of youth and health. As a woman grows older, you will see that a number of facial features (such as the eyes and the nose) change in size or just appearance. Wrinkles and spots begin to show. The face begins to look old. Indeed, when we say ugly, we may actually mean old and vice versa. The appearance of youth--and therefore beauty--is why older women get their faces lifted and their skin conditioned when they can.
Sure, men can accept dating older women, but only if they look young. It's a different matter when the woman looks old as well.
What Guys Go For #2: A Perfect Body
What All The Fuss Is About: Very, very few things can turn guys into unrestrained creatures of carnal lust and tempestuous desire like a girl with a hot body. Of course the fairer sex may think that it's just all about their breasts and/or their ass, but this is not true at all. Guys are not generally picky. They will go for anything you can give them! Any unexpected manifestation of shape or skin will do. It makes for good conversation in groups, and when alone...
What All The Fuss Is Really About: This answer is closely related to the first one. Like facial beauty, the over-all appearance of the body also serves as an indicator of youth and health. But arguably to a greater extent. There is after all very little natural change which can be applied to the face since only cosmetic and artificial ones have big effects. The body, on the other hand, with its visible curves, tone, and proportions can not only mean youth and health but it can also directly point to real-time energy and fitness. In fact, even the celebrated hour-glass figure--perfect breasts, waist, hip, and ass--provides clues to the quality of a female's physical status. All these, while seemingly superficial, are indicative of something more basic and more primal; finally, something deeper: the woman's true and innate potential to bear children with equally "perfect" bodies.
What Guys Go For #3: Sexy Attitude
What All The Fuss Is About: Some girls just know how to work their charm. They know what they want and they just go out there and get it! These girls know that guys are overly receptive to signals of the suggestive kind so they've turned female flirtation and seduction into a personal craft all their own. A guy can find himself getting more comfortable or more intimidated with all the explicit advances, but one thing is still for sure, he'll want it.
What All The Fuss Is Really About: From the pharaoh-queen Cleopatra to the actress/sex symbol Marilyn Monroe, history is rich with capable temptresses. In popular culture, teen movies such as Cruel Intentions and Wild Things have reinvented the art of seduction to modern interpretations. We all understand the appeal of this sort of movies because we all understand the appeal of a seductive female. The explanation couldn't be simpler. Usually it's the guy creating all the sexual advances; this time, and wouldn't you know it, it's reciprocal. And the guy thinks, We're finally on the same page. Good. Less work for me.
What Guys Go For #4: Conversation Skills (aka "Someone You Can Talk To")
What All The Fuss Is About: We don't ask for much when it comes to the intelligence department because we believe in our heart of hearts that courtship and dating is not some achievement examination or a company interview. We don't go for over-elaborated answers because that just numbs the both of us to the feelings involved in the process. We prefer to keep things simple. So open up a little more. Move a little closer. How can we share our feelings when you're sitting way over there?
What All The Fuss Is Really About: If human beings did nothing but have sex, there would really be very little need for a girl to have conversation skills. But the fact of the matter is, a guy has to navigate through a girl's life before and, more importantly, after sex. Otherwise, the relationship cannot go to the next level, which is sex or child-rearing, respectively.
This means that there is a sub-conscious mechanism that inclines a man to be "mature" in his decisions. Simple wisdom: A person is never devoid of peripheral attributes/attachments (family, friends, work, etc). So when a guy seeks his intellectual compatibility with a girl--when he tries to get into who she is as a person--he is signaling his application for a serious relationship which implies fitting into the girl's life as much as possible.
Ok on second thought, maybe it is some kind of examination/interview. Whatever.
What Guys Go For #5: "Inner Beauty" (aka "Someone You Can Fall In Love With")
What All The Fuss Is About: Guys have the reputation for relegating this characteristic to shamefully lower priorities. Yup, I know you girls think all guys want are looks and body and sex and even more sex. You've even noticed that all guys seem to have in their minds is sex. Moreover, you've accepted the popular fact that all guys really go for is sex. But sex aside...
Ummm.
What All The Fuss Is Really About: Eventually a guy has to settle down. That means, marriage. That means children. That means working no longer for himself but for his family. He of course understands this, even if it never really occurs to him on the surface of his thoughts. At the same time he understands that a kid with both a dad and a mom receives more benefits than just having one parent. Therefore just as he judges himself from his ability to put bread on the table; he likewise judges women for their ability to care and nurture, to express compassion and concern and kindness. He judges women for their potential to become worthy mothers. It matters to him because it will matter to his child.
And like I said, he doesn't have to think it. He only has to feel it. And he calls the feeling, all lust and sex aside, luv.
We all understand how tough it must be to work around the clock with no tangible, economic compensation; no superhero charges for his task of saving lives. We can all appreciate the effort of being that somebody who is always watching and always willing to get complete strangers out of trouble. We all know that sometimes the very people superheroes strive to protect can sometimes add to the problem themselves by turning against their defenders and becoming spoiled and unappreciative, unforgiving of mistakes, hostile, even villainous. Yup, deciding to become a superhero is almost superheroic in itself.
Superheroes, we acknowledge your dedication to the Greater Good. Nevertheless, may you forgive us our trespass now, oh noble defenders of virtue, if we derive just a little more happiness at your expense. Oh but we know you will, that is what makes you superheroes, and us, only human.
Here is the The Top 10 Dumbest Superhero Get-up Goof-ups.*
10. SupermanYou probably saw it coming. Superman serves as the prototype for every superhero out there. And being the first superhero out of the mold, you can actually expect and forgive his archetypal costume blunders. The tights, the red cape, the primary colors--these are all just statements. Something he could use to differentiate himself as a superhero. But on that fateful day when he looked in front of the mirror, naked, and decided, "I'll put my pants on and then my underwear!"he just plain went too far. It's alright, Superman, we don't mind. In a weird, numb, blind kind of way, it actually looks kind of good. Like a classic.
9. Batman
Coming out of the scene shortly after our beloved big boy blue, Batman is the dark, brooding, almost anti-heroic alter-ego of Bruce Wayne. What makes him so different from Superman though is his complete lack of superhuman powers. That doesn't excuse him from the goof though. If anything it actually makes him more liable for it. "I'm an alien, I'm supposed to be weird," Superman could say. But Bruce Wayne does not have that excuse; he's a billionaire, a socialite, and a playboy, but apparently, none of his social sense spilled into Batman. For a superhero that's supposed to be dark and all, you'd think that the tights and the underwear would be enough; but what's with the big over-adorned "utility" belt? (It's definitely not just a utility belt--it's bright yellow! It's a fashion statement.) Well, that belt's almost as big a faux pas as...
8. Robin
...almost.
7. Wonder Woman Here's another get-up goof-up for you, courtesy of our amazon queen, Wonder Woman.
Let me break it down for you. We all know that Superman made the "classic" goof-up of wearing his tights before his underwear. Batman contributed to that blunder by wearing a "utility" belt (to add a little yellow to all that shade of black). Robin, in queer shocks of green and yellow, chose to copy Batman's attire while doing away with the tights and opting for something that looks suspiciously like a skirt. Wonder Woman compounded to the mistakes made so far by following Robin's Wonderful idea (no tights, a little slutty but I'm definitely not complaining) and adding an even more Wonderful idea of her own--a belt not on her waist, but on her forehead. That's what I call...ummm...innovative thinking.
6. Spider-Man You may think that Wonder Woman putting a belt on her forehead was dumb. But look at Spidey here. What's that on his head? That's right. You know it. It's a sock, people. A sock.
5. Hulk(Bruce Banner)
The Hulk has never been known for his intellectual prowess, but Bruce Banner is supposedly one smart guy. That's largely why it's such a mystery to me that he refuses to wear more stretchy clothes. It's simple logic.
Factual premises:
Bruce Banner turns into the Hulk when angered.
Bruce Banner is ridiculously easy to anger.
Hulk tears through Bruce Banner's clothes every single time.
Bruce Banner has a finite number of lab coats and pants.
Conclusion:Therefore, wearing more stretchable clothing is a good idea.
4. Silver Surfer I think we've established that superheroes don't exactly have the best fashion sense. Our most beloved caped crusaders have produced nothing but the same type of mistakes. Attempts at recreating the "standard" dress code were almost always in vain; the results only worsened what was already present. Looking at these facts, an analyst would be able to hypothesize that sometime soon a superhero was going to come out with a counter-cultural response. Enter Silver Surfer. Nudist. 3. Martian Manhunter
I know you're Martian and all so the "I'm an alien, I'm supposed to be weird." excuse should apply to you. But c'mon you can change form--altering your body and your "clothes" (the illusion thereof) simultaneously. A fully human disguise may not be satisfactory for you. At the same time, the Nude Martian look may not be for Earth. But of all the outfits in the universe you could choose from, why, my question is, did you have to settle for that one?
2. X-Men
Generation after generation of the multiverse's most capable do-gooders have evolved Superman's fundamental fashion fail into the norm-bending, hyper-mutating aesthetic abomination we now know as the proper and appropriate superhero get-up. However, up until the X-Men came along, superheroes have had to develop their costume changes vertically--that is, one at a time. No more. Now each super-powered character can contribute to the writhing mess of belts, tights, and undergarments (or the lack or modification of the same) by doing it in great numbers. A true get-up gangbang, if there ever was any.
1. Professor XAnd who's ultimately responsible for the new trend in List Item #2? Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Charles Xavier, a.k.a "Professor X,""founder" and"mentor" of the "X"-"men."
Quotes: "Help me get up." "I can't feel my legs." "Scott, I need you in the ""danger" room!""
*adapted from a joke I heard a long long time ago If you still haven't had enough of superhero get-up goof-ups, then why not try this video I found in YouTube called "Superhero Fashion Emergency" from collegehumor. Enjoy.
Now for those of you still up for more interesting stuff, you may want to check this out.
A guy, visibly anxious, nervous, and a little sweaty, once remarked to his friend, "Man, this is terrible. I don't know if I should even do this."
His friend laughed loudly and shamelessly. "Are you freakin' crazy? So what if you're wrong!?!"
"Welcome Travelers From The Future!" Day is still on January 1, 2010. 
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